What would you say?

If there is one good thing that can come from being stuck at home, it's catching up on some good old couch potato action.. Or, non-action, I guess one would say.

This morning I watched High Fidelity with John Cusak. I love that man, there is not one movie he has made that I don't like.

The movie kind of fell along the lines of looking back on your life and the choices you make. He is going through a break-up and decides to look back at his past 5 relationships and find out where he went wrong, or if, in fact, it was he that went wrong.

I ask you…

If you could get five of your exes in a room, individually, of course, what would you want to say to them, or.. What would you want to ask them?

I'll start.. Since it IS my blog and all..

In no particular order...



1. I would tell him that he needs to really grow up. That while I thought I loved him, I can see now that it wasn't a really true and deep love. More like an outlet for all the feelings I hadn't yet dealt with. He needs to stop looking back and trying to pull people back into his life just because he is scared that he may not of made the right choices.

I'd ask him why he held on so long when it wasn't what he wanted.

2. I would tell him that he effected me in ways I may never recover from. That while I can look at him as a distant friend now, I hold some very harsh feelings towards him for what all he put me through. That he needs to once and for all deal with all his past problems. And finally fess up to the fact that he isn't really a good guy. And contrary to popular belief I stopped waiting or wanting him some time ago.

I'd ask him if he will ever realize all the hurt he caused.

3. I would tell him that he seriously needs to get a handle on his life. That you can't keep blaming others for your own unhappiness. That I did love him beyond reason. And when I was finally brought into the light of what was really going on I went way too easy on him. I shouldn't of let him get away with all he had done. That it may seem to him he got what he deserved, it was no where near what he should of got. I will never be able to forget what happened between us and I hope that he will not be able to either.

I'd ask him if he realizes he can never fix his biggest mistake.

4. I would thank him for my daughter and giving me the chance to finally be the mother I wanted to be. While what we were doens't really fall into the category of "relationship" I enjoyed what I had with him and I look back at it fondly. That what I know now compared to what I knew then I see I didn't know who he really was and I am happy that I have had the chance to find out who he really is. That I am proud to see the steps he has taken to make some things right and that it has made a real difference in my life as well as others.

I'd ask him to never go back on the choices he has made and why it took him so long to step up.

5. I would tell him I'm sorry that I made some wrong choices in our marriage but that I wasn't the only who did. We both messed things up. I would of been able to just end things quietly if he hadn't been set to wreck my life. I wasn't the only one to screw things up and I never intentionally tried to make his life hell. That I haven't forgotten all the things he did following our split but that I let it all go. I'm glad that we can now be civil to each other for our daughters sake.

I would ask him to finally tell me the truth about it all.

Your Turn now.

Going to Hooters when you have TITS!!!!! It's a must read

Going to Hooters when you have TITS!!!!!


Hmmm hooters... good wings... good food... and now the knowledge of unreasonable prices... but service. Now we have all heard that the service at Hooters is outstanding... they are always there to service your every need... well I have a theory about all this.

#1... you get great service if you have a dick and balls... hell you could just have a dick... or just some balls... or hell how about you just dress up and make people believe that you are a man... if you look like you have testosterone (did i spell that big long word correctly????) running through your body then you will get good service... the reason for this is because unless you happen to find the waitress that is a lesbian or she believes you to be (which just because you are a woman and go to Hooters does not mean that you are looking at the women)... they can not flirt with you... or hell they just don't want to flirt with... therefore because they can't flaunt themselves in front of you they believe that they can not get good tips from you... so therefore the service that you receive is... hmmm what is that word... ahhh yes... SHIT!!!!!

Okay... now to explain... Mel, Jax and myself, went to Hooters this evening... where for some odd reason we had to wait a wonderful 15 minutes before we were even asked what we wanted to drink... okay then we get our drinks but we aren't quite ready to order... so we have to wait another 15 to 20 minutes to place our order... then the waitess doesn't even bring our food out... someone else does... not a problem... but at least return to check on us... okay so she finally comes back with some more drinks when we are almost done eating... and let me tell you we didn't scarf the food down either... so tell me why was the service so bad... now my friends say part of it might be that the waitress was just bad... but I think it might be because these days they put in your head that to get money at an establishment like this you have to flirt big with the men... no problem but you might get better tips from the females who see that you have to flaunt yourself in front of all these men and have them stare at you... hmmm think women might feel a little sympathy towards you and the way that you earn your money... granted you want to do this... but we understand it is good money and therefore will tip a decent amount to you for this... but if we get bad service... forget it... we figure that you just don't want to acknowledge that we are there because we don't have dicks... oh please... I have two friends that have worked at Hooters and they never would have treated me like this... how rude...

also... might I add... okay ladies I realize that we don't get the best of service at Hooters because we have a vagina and tits... but come on... you don't need a man to go to this place... get off your asses and go there... they have some decent food... okay so the prices really suck... $2 for a freaking ice tea... give me a break... but still occasionally they are good... but you ladies have to get out there too... because in the lengthy more than an hour that we spent there only two other females showed their faces and they were both with me... the rest of the men just sat there and stared at me and my friends like... oh women we might have a chance with... haha... please men... get a clue... okay so women just because its called Hooters and we have Hooters doesn't mean that we can't eat there...

and now that I have ranted and raved... I am going to go and spend a little bit of time with my friends here... so I will close... feel free to leave your rantings and ravings about Hooters... I will respond to all...

WHY THE HELL CAN'T I SLEEP!!

I know I should be in bed. I have not got a decent nights sleep in better than a week but here I am at nearly 1 am and typing and ready to rage so here it goes.....

WHY IS IT THAT IT SEEMS THAT WOMEN ALWAYS GET LEFT WITH THE EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE FROM A RELATIONSHIP. IT'S WOMEN WHO CAN BE PLAGUED BY A SONG FOR YEARS AFTER A BREAKUP. OR THE ONE WHO ENDS UP WITH THE TANGIBLE MEMORIES. I HATE THE FACT THAT IT HAS TAKEN FOUR YEARS TO FINALLY BECOME COMPLETE AGAIN BUT WITH ONE SINGLE THING EVERY THING CAN COME FLOODING BACK AND MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT. IT'S DEMEANING TO ME TO STILL HAVE THESE DAMN FEELINGS WHEN I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING TO GET RID OF THEM WHEN IT ALWAYS SEEMS EASY FOR THE MAN TO LEAVE THEM BEHIND AND MOVE ON.

MEN DON'T LONG FOR WHAT THEY ONCE HAD. THEY DON'T GET BOMBARDED BY LONGING BY ONE LETTER. OR THEY CAN'T RECALL EVERY EMOTION THEY HAVE FELT BECAUSE OF SOMEONE ELSE. TRYING TO FIND ONE THING TONIGHT I RAN ACROSS A BOX I HAD TAPED SHUT AND INSIDE WERE A STACK OF LETTERS TIED WITH A BOW AND IN THOSE LETTERS IS EVERY WORD WE SAID TO EACH OTHER. THE PROMISES, THE FEELINGS, EVERYTHING WAS IN THERE. NOW I SEE WHY I HAD IT TAPED SHUT. BECAUSE EVERY TIME IT'S OPEN IT UPSETS ME. THE SMART THING TO DO WOULD BE TO BURN IT BUT I CAN'T DO THAT. IT WOULD BE LIKE ERASING EVERYTHING THAT WE SAID. ERASING A TIME IN MY LIFE. BUT YOU CAN ASK WHY KEEP SOMETHING THAT UPSETS YOU. BECAUSE THOSE EMOTIONS AND THOSE FEELINGS WERE REAL.

IN A SHORT TERM RELATIONSHIP EVEN WOMEN CAN FORGET EVERYTHING. IT DOESN'T HOLD OR HAVE AN EFFECT. BUT THOSE THAT WERE REAL WILL HAUNT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. SOMETIMES IT WILL RUIN THE PERSON YOU ARE. I ALWAYS SAID THAT I WOULDN'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO ME. BUT I HAVE. I HAVE LET EVERY FEELING THAT I GAVE RUIN THE HOPE THAT I HAD AND I DID THAT. I PINNED SO MUCH ON ONE PERSON AND WHEN IT DIDN'T WORK OUT I GAVE AWAY THAT HOPE AS WELL. NOW I HAVE IMITATED THOSE FEELINGS SINCE BUT ALWAYS I KNEW THAT I WASN'T ALLOWING ANYONE BACK INTO THOSE FEELINGS. IT PISSES ME OFF THAT I DID THAT. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT WILL FIND TRUE LOVE ANY MORE. I BELIEVE I WILL FIND SOMEONE TO FILL A NEED EITHER PHYSICAL OR ONLY A SLIGHT IMITATION. BUT FINDING A LOVE AGAIN I DON'T SEE IT HAPPENING. THREE STRIKES YOUR OUT IT SUCKS THAT I WASTED EMOTIONS ON THREE MEN AND NEVER GOT WHAT EVERYONE SEARCHES FOR.

IS IT MY FAULT THAT I THOUGHT THEY WERE WORTHY OF WHAT I HAD TO GIVE. I KNOW AT LEAST ONE OF THEM SURELY WASN'T BUT JOE AND JUSTIN REALLY STUMP ME. JUSTIN I KNOW NOW WAS MY "FIRST LOVE". THAT ONE YOU LEARN FROM THE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW TO GROW. I KNOW PLAZA WAS MY FIRST MISTAKE. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THAT ONE TO SHOW YOU WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE. BUT DAMN IF I DIDN'T HAVE JOE CONFUSED. I THOUGHT I HAD COME TO THAT ONE TRUE LOVE. THE ONE THAT CHANGES YOU FOR LIFE. AND HE DID, BUT DAMN IF IT DIDN'T CHANGE ME IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WAY. IT IRKS ME THAT EVEN NOW I CAN SAY I STILL LOVE HIM. AND YES I LOVE HIM IN DIFFERENT WAYS. AND SOME OF THOSE WAYS CREEP UP ON ME WHEN I LEAST EXPECT IT LIKE TONIGHT. WHAT IS SO DIFFERENT TONIGHT FROM ANY OTHER NIGHT. I'LL TELL YOU HOW, I WAS FACED WITH WHAT I HAD IN A VERY ROUGH WAY. I CAN SAY THE FEELINGS I HAD IN THOSE LETTERS WERE ALL THAT I HAD, ALL OF MYSELF POURED OUT FOR HIM. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FEELINGS HE HAD IN THERE? DO THEY STILL HAUNT HIM? DID HE REALL MEAN THEM? AND IF THEY WEREN'T REAL, THEN WERE MY FEELINGS REAL THEN EITHER? DID THEY ONLY BECOME REAL BY LOSING WHAT MADE THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE. DID I TAKE LOVE FOR GRANTED WHEN I HAD IT? THEREFORE MAKING ALL OF IT JUST ANOTHER IMITATION OF THE REAL THING. AND NOW I HAVE LET THAT IMITATION RUIN ME.

I HATE QUESTIONING MYSELF. I LIKE QUESTIONING HIM MUCH MORE. DISLIKING HIM FOR IT IS MORE COMFORTABLE THAN DISLIKING MYSELF. BUT WHEN YOU ARE FACED WITH IT, IT SUCKS TO WANT TO RANT AND RAVE ABOUT IT. YOU THINK THAT IF YOU CAN TURN THOSE EMOTIONS OUT AND HATE THEM YOU'LL FEEL BETTER BUT YOU DON'T BECAUSE ONE THING CAN KNOCK YOU BACK ON YOUR ASS. WELL AT LEAST WITH ME IT CAN. IT SUCKS TO STOP AND THINK BACK ON YOUR LIFE FROM THIS DAY AND REMEMBER EACH YEAR PASSED WHERE YOU WERE AND WHAT YOUR LIFE WAS LIKE. AND DAMN IF IT DOESN'T HURT TO SEE HOW QUICKLY YOU CAN LOSE WHAT YOU WANTED SO MUCH. AND TO REALIZE THAT YOU HAVEN'T LET GO WHEN YOU HAVE FOOLED YOURSELF INTO THINKING YOU HAVE. GGGRRRRR TONIGHT REALLY BLOWS AND I KNOW HOW MUCH HE HATED WHEN I ANALYZE AND TANGLE ALL THIS UP IN TODAY BUT IT DOES STILL HAUNT ME. TONIGHT I WAS JUST SUSCEPTIBLE TO THE EMOTIONS I HAVE GROWN TO BLOCK AND I WANTED TO QUESTION IT ONCE AGAIN. I KNOW HE MAKES IT HIS LIFES WORK TO BLOCK THESE THINGS OUT AND IT WORKS FOR HIM. TONIGHT IT DIDN'T WORK FOR ME. BUT TONIGHT I AM WEAK AND IT DOES STILL HURT. AND EMOTIONALLY THESE WOUNDS STILL BLEED SOMETIMES. AND TOMORROW THESE THINGS WILL HIDE ONCE AGAIN..XOXOXOX